


First impression

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-22
Updated: 2009-05-22
Packaged: 2019-02-02 17:41:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12731262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: A tiny alien army invades the SGC. Early season 1.





	First impression

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

Just to clarify: This is my first time writing for the Alpha Gate, and my story is not to be taken serious, as that is not how I wrote it.

 

The gate is spinning, red lights are flashing.  
\- Unauthorized offworld activation, the technician yells into the microphone.  
The iris closes and SG-1 and Hammond appears in the control room.  
\- Whats up, wonders O'Neill and looks at the seargent.  
\- I don't know, sir.

Suddenly the iris opens. Hammond wants to know why, but the technican doesn't know. A tiny plank comes through the gate and lands on the ramp, and on it something very small. Carter tries to see, but the objects are too far away. The wormhole disengages, and the red lights stops flashing. O'Neill and Teal'c walks up the ramp.  
\- What the..., says O'Neill and kneels down on the ramp.  
Twenty pairs of tiny eyes looks up at them.  
\- Indeed.

END TEASER

Briefing room:  
SG-1 sits around the table, Hammond at the end. At the center of the table the little people that just came through the Stargate is standing close together. They can't be more than two inches tall. Daniel clears his throat:  
\- Who are you, people?  
The crowd focuses their attention on Daniel. They try to answer his question, but noone can make out what they are saying as they don't produce enough volume. Carter gets that look on her face, as if she came up with something.  
\- Sir, I can go get a microphone and a speaker.  
The crowd points to Carter and jumps with joy!  
\- Go, Hammond replies.

A few minutes later...

The speaker pops as the power is turned on, and the crowd holds their ears.  
\- Hello?  
SG-1 can hear them now. Daniel repeats his question.  
\- We are the tiny people of Mazara! Once we were big, like yourselves, but that has changed.  
\- Why is that?, O'Neill smiles widely. He just can't ignore the funniness of the situation.  
\- Long ago, one of our scientists was conducting an experiment to alter the genetics of a horse to make it smaller. Noone knows exactly why he was conducting this experiment, but most of us believes that it was for his own entertainment.  
O'Neill laughs out loud, but tries to conceal it with a cough, unsuccessfull.  
\- Anyway, the experiment was a success. The horses became smaller and smaller for each generation. But, there is a big but, somehow the altered genetics was transferred to the humans of our world, and it spread throughout the entire population within five generations.  
\- Have you guys ever heard of safe sex? I think it would have contained your «little» situation, says O'Neill.  
Daniel and Carter looks at him with surprise on their faces and Teal'c raises his eyebrow.  
\- Oh, did I say that out loud?  
\- Yes you did, Jack, says Daniel.  
\- Why are you here?, wonders Carter.  
Two generations ago we figured out how to use the Stargate. Now that our «little» situation has gotten out of hand, and the original scientist is dead, we thought that it would be best to seek help elsewhere.  
\- Unauthorized offworld activation!!  
\- What is that?, the tiny people asks.  
Hammond stands up and walks away. O'Neill stretches his hands to the tiny people and says:  
\- Hop aboard and we'll go find out.  
They step onto O'Neills hands and he carries them down to the controlroom.

The technician looks concerned:  
\- It's the same planet, sir. The iris won't close.  
Hammond looks into the gateroom. More planks comes flying through the stargate and covers the entire ramp this time. An entire army comes rushing through, filling up the ramp. Miniature planes flies across the gateroom, dropping bombs all over the place. Hammond looks harshly onto the tiny folks in O'Neills hands.  
\- Oh, darn, they say in unison.  
Cliffhanger moment...  
\- Seal off the gateroom, Hammond orders. Briefing room! Now!

Briefing room:  
\- What is the meaning of this? Why are we being attacked by your people?  
\- Well, we hadn't gotten to that part when the others came. You see, they are not our people. Our two nations have been at war for the last generation over the Stargate. Obviously they now have control of it.  
\- Can we talk them out of it, Daniel is sitting on the edge of his chair.  
\- No, believe me, we have tried that many times.  
Carter sighs:  
\- There must be something we can do!  
\- Drop a grenade in there. It will be like a nuke to them, says O'Neill, with a big smile on his face.  
\- Do it, says Hammond.

Hallway:  
O'Neill is aproaching the door to the gate room and signals to one of the airmen to open it. The airman draws his card, but the door is jammed. O'Neill reaches for his radio:  
\- Hammond, the doors are jammed. Request permission to open the blast door to see what is wrong.  
\- Permission granted, Colonel.  
He runs up the stairs to the control room.  
Open the blast door, he says to the technician.  
The door slides up. The army brought with them tiny welding equipment, and has welded the doors shut.  
\- Damn. I'll go get some C4, O'Neill announces and runs for the armory.

Hallway again:  
O'Neill has placed two blocks of C4 in the middle of the door.  
\- Stand back, he says, and he and the airmen runs around the corner. Beep.. BANG!  
The door now has a big hole in it. O'Neill comes around the corner, with a grenade, and prepares to throw it in. But as he appear in the hole, the army launches a series of catapults. Fireballs flies towards him and he has to get down. The smile on his face has faded.  
\- Ok, not funny anymore...  
He stands up, pulls the pin, and throws the grenade into the gate room. BANG! Silence... The radio cracks, and we can hear Carters voice:  
\- Did it work?  
\- I don't know, let me check.  
O'Neill steps through the hole in the door. There is nothing at ground zero of the grenade blast. But after a few seconds, half the army appears from underneath the ramp and starts shooting at O'Neill.  
\- Ow! That hurt! Ow!, he yells.  
\- Get outta there, Daniel shouts from the control room.  
O'Neill runs out again.

Infirmary:  
O'Neill is sitting on a bed, Dr. Fraiser cleaning miniature gunshot wounds on his right arm. The rest of SG-1 is standing around him, and the friendly tiny people is standing on a table besides the bed.  
\- Ow! Hey, go easy with that stuff, ok?, O'Neill doesn't look happy at all.  
\- I'm sorry, sir, but I have to do this.  
Daniel lets his head drop forward and sighs. His glasses almost falls off. Teal'c rushes in to assist, but Daniel grabs them before they head to the floor. He and Teal'c look at each other for a few seconds. Daniel says:  
\- Thanks, Teal'c.  
Teal'c bows his head, like only he can do. He raises his head again and turns to Carter:  
\- I could not help but notice, that when you turned on the audio enhancing device, the people on the table held their hands over their ears as it (...) "popped". Could this be used against the others in the gate room?  
\- Oh, wow. Thats a great idea, Teal'c. Thanks, Carter says and walks out of the room. Teal'c tries to smile to himself, but he hasn't gotten the hang of it just yet.  
Dr. Fraiser has finished:  
\- Ok, sir. That's the last of them.  
\- Thanks, doc. I'll try to stay away from tiny angry people in the future. Daniel, don't you have any mythical reference to these guys? (points to the table)  
\- No, but many up through history have had desires to meet tiny people. There are many movies and books that toys with the idea. «Gullivers Travels» by Johnathan Swift for example, the land of Lilliput. Or this (he pulls out a book), «The Minpins» by Roald Dahl: A little boy walks into a forbidden forest and encounters a dragon. He climbs up in a tree and finds a city in it. The people living in the city is called the Minpins. With the help of a swan he manages to lure the dragon to a lake and put out the fire in its belly, killing it.  
O'Neill looks at the book:  
\- Do you mind if I borrow this? It sounds really cool.  
\- Uh.... Sure, Jack. Go ahead.  
Daniel hands over the book and smiles to himself, thinking about Jack and his simple mind. Teal'c observes closely and tries to smile as well, but only flashes his teeth.  
\- Uh, right. Where was I? Yes, the dragon. I don't think we have to deal with a dragon in our case, but...  
He stops as Teal'c passes in front of him and sits down on the bed besides O'Neill, wich is totally into the book. He points to a picture and O'Neill smiles. Teal'c tries to smile again, but to no avail. Daniel sighs:  
\- Gah, why do I even try?

Hammond and Carter enters the room.  
\- At ease people. Carter has prepared some ...uh.. music in the gate room.  
Teal'c looks up from the book, he has to see if his idea worked. He turns to O'Neill and pulls the book out of his hands. O'Neill is not happy about that:  
\- Hey, I was reading that!  
\- We are about to turn on music in the gate room to disable the tiny people. Do you not wish to see if it is successfull?  
\- Yeah, I guess.  
They all walk out of the room.

Control room:  
\- Turn up the music, Hammond orders.  
\- Yes, sir!  
Music fills the gate room and the tiny people flops to the ground.  
\- Nice! Lets get in there, pick them up and put them in a box, O'Neill says and looks at the others.  
They all smile, including Teal'c. And so, they all got cake boxes from the kitchen and went into the gate room and picked them all up.

Briefing room:  
Four boxes full of people is standing on the table.  
\- I'm sorry we couldn't help you with the genetics problem, Carter says.  
\- It's okay. You had your hands full with the others, says the friendly people. But with this list of gate adresses, I think we will find someone who can help us. The Asgard sure sounds like a good people. Thank you!  
\- You're welcome, O'Neill says. The smile is back as he thinks of the Minpins.  
Daniel looks a bit worried:  
\- I hope you find a solution to your war soon. If you like, I can come along and try to talk to them.  
\- Yeah, a giant allways makes a big first impression, says O'Neill.

FADE OUT  
END CREDITS


End file.
